20 Quick Jack Bauer Facts:

1) Explosions do not kill Jack Bauer, they just get stuff out of his way.
2) If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
3) Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
4) Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.
5) Superman is one of the few individuals who could possibly survive a confrontation with Jack Bauer. But that is only because he can fly away.
6) American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.
7) Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
8) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
9) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
10) The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.
11) As a child, Jack Bauer taught his dog to play dead...once.
12) Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
13) The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
14) Jack Bauer once opened a crate containing Weapons of Mass Destruction and all it had in it was a mirror.
15) If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
16) G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
17) The safety on Jack's gun isn't there to protect Jack. It's there to protect the gun.
18) Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
19) Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars.
20) Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.