Monday, March 31, 2008

BANANA SMOOTHIE!

Talk about homosexual undertones. 10 things to watch for in this video:
1. The show's name is The Naked Brothers Band
2. The song is called "Banana Smoothie", slang for semen
3. Creepy pedophile cameraman
4. Phallic banana microphone
5. Lyrics: "Drink up/taste and swallow it. Get up/get on top of it..."
6. Kid on a fucking leash!
7. Boys with coconut bras flexing stomachs
8. Bukkake style milkshake fight
9. White substance flowing down staircase into kitchen
10. Giant banana fight

Now enjoy, "Banana Smoothie."


Today Now! Host Tracy Gill Recommends New Tracy Gill Biography


Today Now! Host Tracy Gill Recommends New Tracy Gill Biography

Get the F*ck Out of My Way


Happy 65th F*cking Birthday Christopher Walken!!!

Break open some fine cham-panya and celebrate!


Transformers Go Hollywood

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Surfers Are My Favorite People of All Time


To Dunk Or Not To Dunk?

Here's how NOT to dunk.



Here's HOW to dunk.

Take THAT MacBook Air


Oldie (Kinda) But Goodie

"Frontier Psychiatrist" by The Avalanches

Samples GALORE!


What If Pac Man Got Drunker Every Time He Ate a Power Pellet???

If you drink and dig Pac Man, this is a must-play. Click pic.


Homepage: Click HERE.

Michael Caine Says Heath Ledger's Joker Will Scare the Life Out of People

Perhaps that wasn't the best choice of words. Click pic.

Kevin Spacey's Impersonations

Jimmy Stewart, Johnny Carson, Marlon Brando, & Walken to name a few.


Sunday, March 30, 2008

Ahmed the Terrorist Tickles My Tummy

I was rolling on this one.



Thank you, Codie

Paris Hilton is a Damn Fool


Study Shows Cell Phones Are More Dangerous Than Cigarettes

Still no word on why people are smoking cell phones. Click pic.

Yeah, She's Creepy

Click pic.

Happy Sunday! Praise Da Lord!! O-mazing Grace!!!

And if you think it can't get any worse...wait til 2:52.


Worst Singer Ever Omazing Grace - Watch more free videos

Who gets drunk that early on Sundays?

Dave Grohl and Will Ferrell Perform "Leather and Lace"


8 Idiots the World Could Do Without

LolZ!!1! Click pic.

Space Shuttle Ascent

The most badass shit you'll see all day.


From the Makers Of Rapist Glasses, the New Pedophile Beard!


Coolest. Virus. EVER.

This only works on Mac books cause I'm guessing they have some directional, balance, "I know what angle I'm at" device. Check this out. IT's really fucking cool.


Bitch-Ass Madonna Destorys Hollywood Again. Wants To Re-make Casablanca. In IRAQ. Wait, What???

Yeah. You read that right. As if she hasn't had enough fucking playtime, she has to pull this shit. Someone kill her. Please? Click pic.

Lite Frite


Jennifer's Gonna Be PIIISSSSSSSSED

They finally tied the knot. Yeah. It's a slow news day. Click pic.

Learn To Do Le Disco

With disco dancing awesomeness halfway throught the video.


Christopher Walken Reads The Three Little Pigs

(Possible re-post.) Lovely sweater.



Next week: Hamsel & Gramsel

Does Your Girlfriend Give You a Headache?

If she does, I hope it's not like this.


Cute Girlfriend Gives Good Head...ache - Watch more free videos

Best Karaoke Session. EVER.

"That's What's Friends Are For" by A Bunch of Jewish Assholes


Worst Karaoke Session Ever - Watch more free videos

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Is There Anything Funnier Than Seeing a Reporter Get Hit With a Fish? Twice???


For a Korean Lounge Drummer, This Mo-Fo Can Rock Out


Korean Drummer Rocks Out - Watch more free videos

Student Teacher Sex: Yvette Starzyk

She: 26. He: 15. Well, at least it was off campus. Click pic.

LOLZ!!1!: Never Hold On To The Rim This Long


Dunking Kid Gets Owned - Watch more free videos

Sad: Some Hacker Assh*les Assault Epilepsy Patients Via Computer

Click pic.

New Sony Bravia Ad Coming Soon. This Time, It's Foam

Yeah. I can't wait to see this one either.




Jack Handey: "How Things Even Out"

Here's a bit of the article:

"Things tend to even out. Religion, some people say, has caused wars and fighting. Yes, but it’s also boring to sit through a church service, so it evens out. One moment you’re depressed because your doctor tells you that you have alcoholism. But then you cheer up when you go home and find a hidden bottle of vodka you had forgotten about...One day, you ask people to take a look at a skin rash you have. Then, a few days later, you’re looking at their rashes. You send someone a death threat and then, mysteriously, the police come to your house and threaten you."

Click pic.

Cell Phone Looks Like a Pack Of Marlboros: Probably Gives You Double Cancer

This is a cell phone disguised as a pack of Marlboro cigarettes that'll set you back about $175 in China. It rocks dualband GSM, a microSD card slot, and can play MP3's.

"From the front, it looks like a real pack of Marlboros. You can even put real cigarettes in it. But secretly, it's a cell phone. The best part is the side-mounted camera feature - people might be looking for you to take cell phone pictures, but they'll never suspect your cigs! This phone is available in Taipei's ShiLin night market, next to the toilet-themed restaurant."

Ah yes, the infamous toilet-themed restaurant. A regular mecca for novelty cell phone lovers. Seriously though, great Poopoo Platter. Click pic.

Watch Reminds Me I Will Die, Makes Me Depressed 24 Times a Day

My life is filled with enough depressing thoughts as it is, so I don't have much interest in being reminded of my mortality whenver I want to know what time it is. But for you sickos out there that like thinking about your own death, maybe The Accurate Watch is for you. It costs $145 and features an hour and minute hand that, together, read "remember you will die". Wow, like my drunk dog, smoking and holding a handgun isn't reminder enough. Click pic.

The Videographer Says It All

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Brass Knuckle Umbrella is a Class 5 Weapon

According to the design page, this brass knuckle umbrella or "Umbuster" was categorized as a class 5 weapon by the Victorian Police—the primary law enforcement agency in Victoria Australia. That would make it illegal to own there without a license. I don't know about all of that considering that it appears to be a concept, but I do know you could do some serious damage with it. Then again, if you got in a scuffle in the rain, the drag from the open umbrella may render your punch harmless—resulting in a swift and brutal ass kicking. Click pic.

The Nutty Professor Really WAS F*cking Nuts


The $0.99 Bluetooth Headset

The Bluetooth headset is the modern pocket-protector. I know I wouldn't be caught dead using one and I'm pretty sure there's a lot of you out there that think the same way. But laws are being put into effect that may have all of us using one when we're driving. Here's a Soyo FreeStyler 500 Bluetooth headset for $0.99 with $10 Google Checkout discount. Buy it and shove it into your glove compartment. Click pic.

Sean Connery Might Be a Villain In New Bond Movie, Also, Likes To Slap Women

Sean Connery, who'd previously announced his retirement from acting, recently expressed interest in doing a cameo in the latest Bond movie (presumably meaning Quantum of Solace, which is currently in production).

He says, "I wouldn't mind coming back as a Bond villain. But I don't think they would pay me enough. "They don't pay the money for other parts, only for the Bond character, although that wasn't the case when I was doing it."

Connery added, "They alsho tell me you can't schlap a women theege daysch. I watched Jamesh Bond on the DVD, and he shavesh hisch bloody chesht. The man'sh shupposhed to be an international playboy, not a bloody shyncronisched schwimmer. I tell you, the whole world'sh gone faerie."

"Thank you for your time," said the interviewer, whom Connery promptly slapped for attempting to have the lasht waird. He's tough but fair.


Friday, March 28, 2008

An Open Letter To Carrot Top, By Henry Rollins


As Much As I Didn't Want To Post This, Here It Is Anyway: Male Pregnancy Is In Full Effect

Yeah, it pretty much goes against all things that hold the world together. I'm still a little in shock about it all. Click pic.

NOT The Next Karate Kid


Not the Next Karate Kid - Watch more free videos

The Best Movie Robbery Scenes

Of COURSE Heat is in there. Click pic.

LOL: Gay Scientists Isolate the Christian Gene


The Classic 70's Board Game: Mush Mouth

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Student/Teacher Sex: Katherine Harder

She: 31. He: 17. More like student/giraffe sex. Click pic.

Did You Know Yo-Yos Were Initially Weapons?


Busta Rhymes Doesn't Like Being Called "Ignorant"


Busta Rhymes Owns Stupid British Woman - Watch more free videos

Tron: In Cardboard

I don't remember too much about the movie Tron. I remember when I was in high school I wanted to be a movie director and one of the projects I wanted to do was a Tron remake. It turns out that's what's being done now. I made that decision based on only one scene. The lightcycle scene. Here it is in all its cardboard glory.



And here's the original:

For Those Of You C*cksuckers Out There That Just Don't "Get" Radiohead

Very well put together article. I present to you, "Radiohead For Dummies." Click pic.

Sad Sad City

"Sad Sad City" by Ghostland Observatory

Crap video, but the song is pretty good.


Thursday, March 27, 2008

I've Got Nothing To Hide

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Big Dog: Beta?

Last week I posted a video (I think the second one) of the terrifying Big Dog. If you don't remember or didn't see it, click HERE.

Here's the hilarious Beta Big Dog video:


Stupid: Restaurants Put Bar Codes On Windows To Shop You Website Review

You take picture of the barcode and your cellphone takes you to website review. That's sure better than walking inside, looking at the menu, and seeing how busy it is. Click pic.

A Poop In the Woods


This Made My Day: Emo Kids Are Being Attacked & Beaten In Mexico

Yeah. You know you wanna click the pic.

Stupid: Excessive Texting Is a Sign Of Mental Illness

No. RLY. C U L8R. UR BFF, Jill. Clik pix.

Oh, I Get It Now. So This Is Why Soccer Is Popular In Other Countries


Forest Whitaker Defends Spike Jonze's "Where the Wild Things Are"

Last month, the blogosphere was abuzz with rumors that the studio hated Spike Jonze’s Where the Wild Things Are, possibly because it was too dark and not kid-friendly enough. The last we heard from Warner Bros was the announcement of a much later than expected release date of October 2009. In a recent interview with MTV, Forest Whitaker, who voices the lead monster, defended Jonze’s original version, saying he took his children to see it, and they all liked it.



Forest: "I’m going to call Spike and find out what’s going on,” he promised. “The thing is, it’s one thing to read [scary stuff] in a book, but when you see an itty-bitty kid running alongside a 10-foot-giant on the side of a cliff, it gets intense. But that’s the point, because we’re representing the things inside of the kid. They represent his struggles, either him being too angry or being confused, or not feeling like he belongs."

...“[The dark scenes] are the point of the movie, and I hope that they maintain that point, because I think children can identify with a character who is upset,” ...“[The main character Max] built this whole city, and nobody likes it, and he tears it all up. He’s like, ‘Well if you don’t like it, I’m just going to tear it up!’ because he wants so badly for someone to like it.”

“This kid rolls by himself, no father figure; this is a single family home,” he continued, with passion. “His mother ends up having a boyfriend that becomes like a monster to him…people have to build trust with the people their parent starts to date…These are real issues that the character deals with, and I hope that [the filmmakers] continue to explore them, because kids need to see that; they need to see that other kids are dealing with it.”


Wow, did an actor just say something semi-intelligent? I totally agree – it’s high time we stop treating children like idiots. They’re more mature than we think. Take the 15-year-old I’m dating – some would call her a child. And to those people I pull up her shirt and say, “Your honor, do these look like the juggs of a child?”

Religion According To Eddie Izzard


A Good Example Of Why You Don't Run Down The Side Of a Cliff


http://view.break.com/476859 - Watch more free videos

How NOT to Haunt a House

No, this isn't scary. Paranormal experts just released this home video of a horrifying ghost coming up stairs from the basement to haunt everyone in the house.


How Not to Haunt a House - Watch more free videos

Every Simpsons' Couch Gag In Just Under Five Minutes

Click pic.

Kid Uses "Internet For Dummies" Book To Hack Into School's Computer

Ha. Owned. Click pic.

What's Sexy? I'll Tell You What's Sexy. THIS Is Sexy, You F*cking Sexy-Ass B*tch.

Yeahhhhhhh.


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Louis C.K. Talks About Banks and Being Broke


DaxFlame!: I Refuse To Eat At Chick-Fil-A


Student/Teacher Sex: Lisa Marinelli

She: 40. He: 17. If you’re banging your student, it would be wise if you didn’t let his parents see him pull his pants up while getting out of your car. Click pic.

South Dakota Can't Blow Up Sh*t


I Want To Do This

It's a weird little party trick, and my other three "selfs" went to breakfast without me.


Cool Party Trick - Watch more free videos

You'll Never Guess...

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Top Gear Shows You What It's Like To Shoot Cars


http://view.break.com/175421 - Watch more free videos

The Most Amazing Scarf Ever

This is a Mega Man 2 themed scarf that has all the robot bosses on it. As you can see there's Air Man and Bubble man. It's for sale if you want it, but it costs $150. It is, however, one of a kind. It is not, however, not bright yellow. I think that girl in the pic is love with me. It's like she's looking into my soul and likes what she sees. Which is probably the steak, cheese, 'n' egg burrito and hash brown I had for breakfast. Click pic for more.

Paul McCartney Attacks Heather Mills? Probably Not.

Idiot McCartney fans say his latest album contains hidden jibes at Heather Mills, because "Mister Bellamy" is an anagram of "Mills Betray Me." In other news, Sir Paul McCartney is an anagram of "Crispy Anal Rectum." Click pic.

Friday, March 21, 2008

You Suck At Photoshop #9


Simple, Badass, & Amazing

"Machine Gun" by Portishead.

Yes, it's been ten years. And yes, they still kick ass.


Any Stupid Frat Boy Can Trash a Hotel Room During Spring Break. It Takes a Special Kind of Asshat To Dynamite the Room's Balcony

Click pic.

Attention Students & Waitresses: Schoolgirls Develop Nail Polish That Is Red Outside But Turns Transparent Indoors To Beat School Ban On Makeup

Good idea. Click pic.

Student/Teacher Grinding: Kelly Sweet

She: 26. He: 14. Yeah. I said "grinding." The assault involved her "grinding her pubic mound" against the victim. Grinding. Click pic.

Grinding.

Guitar Hero "On Tour" Doesn't Look As Much Fun

I don't get this at all. I don't see why they'd do this. Nor can I see why I'd enjoy it. But hey, at least they're still keeping the dream alive. Click pic.


IMMEDIATE UPDATE: After the jump, a very neat little click-n-drag demo of how this all goes together. Kinda makes me wanna try it. Especially hearing OK Go!

SECOND IMMEDIATE UPDATE: Watching the trailer at the site just made me realize how un-fun this will be and how pathetic YOU would have to be to enjoy it.

I Think Amy WINEhouse Gets Better With Age...Don't YOU???

Here she is in a class picture.


And here she is now, waiting for the garbage man to take her home.

The Daft Punk Charleston


Good Cop, Bad Cop

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

The Most Beautiful Picture of San Fransisco at Night You'll Probably Ever See

Click pic for a lot bigger.

Converse: How a Sports Shoe Now Owned by Nike - Came To Symbolise the Spirit of Rock

Click pic for article.

The Best Knock-Out You'll See This Weekend


5 Things You Probably Didn't Know About TV's Batman

Click pic.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Student/Teacher Sex: Mary Jo Spack

She: 45. Them: 17 & 18. Click pic.

Think Your Car's a Piece of Sh*t?

Look at this.


The Best Thing To Ever Happen To Sex In the City: Kristen Davis is In a Sex Tape

Yeah. You read that right. Not that I care, but it's better than posting a picture of that foot-faced Sarah Jessica Parker. Click pic.

Click a Link, Go To Jail

FBI posts fake hyperlinks to snare child porn suspects. Watch out, perv. Click pic.

Cooking With Coolio 6: Tricked Out Westside Tilapia


Gillette CEO & President Wants Not Three, But FIVE Blades On Their Razors

Yeah. Check out the excerpt.

"We hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades."

Click pic for the hilarious rant.

Jack Bauer and Tony Almeda's Day Off


Family Holidays Are Ruined By This Year's Easter, the Earliest In 90 Years

Easter's date is determined by the spring equinox - the point in the year when the day and night are of equal length. If the full moon after the equinox is on a Sunday, then Easter is on the following Sunday. The formula was decided after much controversy among early Christians in 325. The festival cannot fall earlier than 22 March or later than 25 April.

It may look daunting to non-mathematicians but the fiendishly complex formula used to work out when Easter actually falls is:

((19*t+u-w-(u-(u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)+(32+2*x+2*y-(19*t+u-w- (u-(u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)-z)mod7)-7*(t+11*(19*t+u-w(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)+22*(32+2*x+2*y-(19*t+u-w-(u- (u+8)\25)+1)\3)+15)mod30)-g)mod7)+114)\31

Makes sense, right? Click pic for the story.

DaxFlame!: I Slapped My Cousin In the Face


The Neatest Thing You'll See All Day: Bouncing Oil



This is a picture of a stream of oil entering a pool of the same substance, bouncing off the bottom, and arcing back out.

"Normally a liquid stream colliding with a pool of liquid merges immediately upon contact, perhaps also bringing air into the pool with it. However when the pool is moving as the stream hits, it can slide along the surface being separated from the pool by a thin layer of air. The air layer supports the jet and lubricates the motion between it and the bath. The same process happens when sliding a piece of paper across a desk or when a car hydroplanes on a wet road. But instead of a hard surface like the desk or the road, the jet is on top of a liquid surface, which is flexible like a trampoline. Because of the weight of the jet and the force required to change directions, the surface is pressed downward and a dent is formed in the shape of a bowl. The sliding jet then ramps out of this bowl and into the air."

Now I have no idea whatsoever what that means, but damn does it look neat. And I'm not much of one for reading long scientific explanations, but I'm fairly certain this proves many theories, including, but not limited to: the theory that wormholes exist. That time travel is possible. That science is cool, and that motor oil makes a great sexual lubricant in a pinch.


New And Improved Bookmark Uses Air



Call me old-fashioned, but I still read books. Big ones with lots of words. And typically I just use a bill I'm not going to pay or a piece of toilet paper to mark my page. Or, if I'm desperate, I'll just dog-ear the hell out of it. Well now a group of designers have developed the ABRACADABRA bookmark. All you have to do is squeeze the air filled bladder, and BA-BOOM!, your book explodes open to the right page, showering you with torn pages. Just kidding, it just transfers the air to the other air chamber and makes a little space where you left off. I know, my design was way better. And what's up with the copy there in the graphic? First, I doubt Aladdin would appreciate someone squeezing his tube any time they want to get their read on. And secondly, the copywriter who wrote that thing about "starting the story that leads you to a whole new world" should be fired for being high at work.

More pics if you click HERE.

Man Builds Suicide Machine, Activates It, Gets Shot In the Head Four Times

Click pic.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Bulgarian Idol Is WAY Better




If you’re not keeping up with the Bulgarian version of "American Idol", your life isn't as happy and dance filled as it should be. I don't think I'm exaggerating one bit when i say this young man may be the most electrifying singer of our generation.

And if you need more proof, here's a reminder.


The Rare Sliding Faceplant


Midget Tossed Into A Sliding Faceplant - Watch more free videos

Women: This is Accurate, Right?


I Guess Youll Do - Watch more free videos

The Hero Song

LOLZ!!1!


Let Me Show You How I Much I Love You As I Beat On My Drum

A man who murdered his wife and kept her remains in a 44-gallon drum for 23 years will spend 21 years in jail. No. RLY. Click pic.

What Celebrities Would Look Like If They Were From Ohio

Click pic.

How NOT To Safely Transport Your Pets

For all the lovers of old news out there, here's a post for you: the dog-toting running board sack. It was published in Popular Mechanics in 1936 and still remains the safest way to travel with your pet.

When you take your dog along for a ride, but prefer not having it inside the car, it can ride safely and comfortably in this sack, which is carried on the running board. The bottom of the sack is clamped to the running board and the top is fastened to the lower part of an open window with hooks, covered with small rubber tubing to prevent marring the car.



I know what you're thinking, and yes, this is a great idea. I'm going to build one for my dog and take her for a spin around town. I'll let you know how it goes.

UPDATE: Okay the dog bit me and refused to get in the sack. Luckily I'm babysitting my little brother later so maybe he'll want to go for a ride.

UPDATE: I backed over him. It's okay though, I was smart enough to test the sack on a bike first before moving to a car. I've made a few modifications, and I think he's down for another go at it.

UPDATE: Okay, I think he's somewhere between the gas station and the movie theater.